FADE IN.
1. INT: A TABLE IN A RESTAURANT.
A man and a woman are seated at a table, facing one another. The man is obviously lying the entire time he
speaks.
JOE
(bullshitting)
I know that it has been years since we mattered to one another. However, I have recently come to the conclusion
that a major error in judgement was made, on my part. Though I am not at liberty to discuss the matter in any specific detail,
I must tell you that- in a sense- I have seen the future, and that it was not supposed to be like this for you and me. Now,
I know that it was my decision to bring our previous relationship to an end. And I am also aware of the considerable suffering
my decision forced you to endure. Right now I can only apologize for my previous moral inconsistencies, and my lack of good
judgement. I can also promise you that, if you agree to see me again, I will never allow something like this- or anything
else- to come between us again.
TERA
(revolted)
Fuck off.
SOUND: A horrible car crash, and accompanying chaos. Joe jumps up from the table and scurries outside, to
see what has happened.
2. EXT: OUTSIDE THE RESTAURANT.
Joe joins a crowd that is gathered around a bicycle rider, who has been struck by a car. The cyclist writhes
in pain as the crowd stirs and murmurs around him.
PEDESTRIAN #1
(whispering, off-mic)
Oh my Lord, its horrible
PEDESTRIAN #2
(whispering, off-mic)
I didnt even see it, it happened so fast. Did you see it?
CUT AWAY to a close-up of the cyclists bloody right arm, which is missing its hand.
PEDESTRIAN #3
(frantic, screaming)
Oh my God!
PEDESTRIAN #4
(simultaneously, also screaming)
Somebody find that hand!
The crowd disperses, searching for the hand. Camera follows Joe, who discovers the hand in an alley and keeps
it to himself. He sneaks off without drawing any attention, and the camera follows him home.
3. INT: THE HALLWAY OUTSIDE JOES APARTMENT.
On his way into his apartment, he notices the pretty neighbor across the hall but says nothing.
4. INT: JOES BEDROOM.
SOUND: Eerie, other-worldly incidental music. At home, Joe studies the hand. It is still alive and moving.
He places it in a shoebox, and hides it in the drawer of his nightstand.
5. INT: JOES BEDROOM (the next day).
The next day, Joe returns home and opens his nightstand. He pulls the hand out from the box and lets it scurry
around on the desktop. It seems happy to see Joe. Joe produces a ring and places it on the hands finger. Fade to black. Dissolve
up to a shot of Joe sleeping. He is awakened by some chips of paint that are falling into his eyes. He notices a gaping crack
that is spreading in the ceiling, directly above him. A hand bursts through the gaping crack. Hands begin to press through
the walls of the room. Joe reacts in horror as hands begin to poke out at him from the mattress. The doorbell begins to ring
impatiently. Joe runs to answer the door. It is the cyclist from the accident. He says nothing. Joe notices the cyclists hand
is re-attached in its appropriate position just below the cyclists wrist. Shocked, Joe races back to the bedroom and searches
his nightstand. The hand is gone, leaving behind only a vacant shoebox. Joe is pulled onto the mattress by the hands that
have burst through the walls and the bedding. The room collapses on Joe.
6. INT: JOES BEDROOM (awakening).
When Joe awakens, he checks the nightstand. He is relieved to discover that the hand is still there.
7. INT: THE HALLWAY OUTSIDE JOES APARTMENT.
As he leaves for the day, Joe sees his neighbor Ann again. This time he speaks to her.
JOE
You have a bird.
ANN
(somewhat startled)
What?
JOE
A bird. Sometimes I hear bird sounds, coming from your apartment.
ANN
(bluntly)
I dont have a bird
CUT AWAY to Joes confused, speechless reaction, then cut back to Ann.
ANN
Sometimes I play tapes of birds. Its very relaxing.
JOE
Oh. Huh. Thats interesting.
ANN
Thanks.
JOE
(quickly)
Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?
ANN
Oh!
JOE
Or we dont have to. Youre busy. Or I mean you probably are busy, or you could be busy.
ANN
No!
JOE
It's no big deal, really.
ANN
No, its just- you seemed so shy. I wasnt really expecting you to ask me that. No, its fine, I would like to
have dinner with you tonight. I would like that.
JOE
OK, then. Ill see you tonight. I have to get out of here now, go to work.
ANN
Where do you work?
JOE
What?
ANN
I said where do you work? What do you do for a living?
JOE
Oh, I dont have a job. I have an interview. A job interview. I have to get out of here now and go to a job
interview.
ANN
(somewhat confused)
All right, then. Ill see you tonight.
Joe exits, Ann enters her apartment.
8. EXT. JOES DAY.
Joe and his friend Cyd stroll through a vast dump site.
CYD
This kind of thing goes on every day. You hear about it on T.V., you read about it in the papers the trades
all those (struggles for the right word) you know, books or whatever. And yet when it happens to you one day, when it becomes
personal, people get all freaked out like they never expected such a thing could ever be possible. And its not like its anything
new either. Everyone likes to think that the terrible things that are happening to them now are worse than the terrible things
that happened to the people who were here before. But theyre notits the same thing. Look at UFO abductions. Everybody knows
somebody who was abducted by a UFO
JOE
(interrupting)
I dont know anybody who was abducted by UFOs.
CYD
Joe, everybody knows somebody whos been abducted by a UFO. Its just that not everybody whos
been abducted remembers yet.
JOE
(absently)
Why isnt it "an" UFO?
CYD
But in the old days, people didnt believe in UFOs, and so there were no UFOs. But people were still abducted,
Joe.
JOE
Yeah?
CYD
Yeah. But they werent abducted by little grey men in space helmets. They were abducted by incubi
JOE
(pondering)
Incubi
CYD
Incubi. Demons. They get to you through your nightmares, take over your life, steal your soul
JOE
(still pondering)
Incubi
CYD
So are you partying tonight or what?
JOE
No, I dont have any money to party. Ive got to sell some shit on eBay. Plus, Ive got a job interview tomorrow
morning
CYD
Oh yeah? Where at?
JOE
(ignoring him)
And I asked this girl out for tonight. The one who lives down the hall from me.
CYD
I thought you said you didnt have any money?
JOE
I said I didnt have any money to party. Is that it?
Both stop walking. Cut away to an old refrigerator, then back to Joe and Cyd, who begin to approach the appliance.
CYD
Yeah, thats it.
JOE
Does it work?
CYD
(struggling to move the refrigerator)
How the hell would I know if it works? Are you gonna help me lift this?
Cut away to a shot of Cyd and Joe at a pawn shop. They are negotiating a price for the refrigerator with
the pawn shops manager.
MANAGER
Does it work?
CYD
Of course it fucking works! What kind of a fucking question is that? Does it fucking work? Of course it works!
How long have I known you, how long have I been coming here? Before that even! Little League! Fucking Tommy Ostrowski! All
those camping trips to the dunes! My ma grew up down the block from your ma, they were like sisters!
MANAGER
All right already! I didnt ask to see your fucking baby pictures! I just asked you if the fucking thing works.
Im sick of you selling me shit that doesn't fucking work.
CYD
Listen man, just give me the fifty bucks so we can get outta here.
MANAGER
Thirty five.
CYD
Thirty five?!? What are you talking about, "thirty five?" How can you expect me to make this deal work on
thirty five? Ive got a business to run, Ive got overhead! I promised my boy Joe here twenty five
JOE
(interupting)
No you didnt.
CYD
Joe, would just let me fucking handle this? I told you to let me do the negotiating! Were negotiating here!
Cut away to Joe and Cyd leaving the pawn shop. Cyd is counting the money.
CYD
Thirty five! Unbelievable! That piece of shit refrigerator was worth fifty, easy.
Cyd hands Joe his share of the cash. Joe begins to walk off.
CYD
Where you going, man?
JOE
Ill catch you later, its getting late. I gotta go.
CYD
All right, but you think about what I said, Joe. You just think about it.
JOE
All right, man. Later.
9. INT. JOES APARTMENT.
When he comes home that night, Joe sees a police car park in front of his building. He cautiously enters.
Cut to Anns apartment
COP #1
So this guy takes off running. He shoves the gun down his pants and hops this fence- must have been about
a six foot barbed wire fence. He gets to the top of the fence, and the revolver discharges, regrettably dismembering both
of his testicles
COP #2
(appalled)
Eeeeeeeccchhhhhhh!
COP# 1
Yeah. So I come around the corner, and I see this guy lying there, crying like a girl. And he looks up, and
he says to me, "Please, help me find my balls."
COP #2
He didnt say that!
COP #1
(adamant)
He said, "Help me find my balls!"
COP #2
He said, "Help me find my balls?"
COP #1
Yes he did!
COP #2
Buuuuuulllllllllll-shit.
DETECTIVE #1
He said it.
COP #1
(pointing to DETECTIVE #1)
You listen to him!
DETECTIVE #1
I was there. I saw it. He said it.
Cut to Joe entering apartment hallway. Voiceover of continuing Cop conversation.
COP #2
They make prosthetics now.
COP #1
What?
COP #2
They make prosthetic testicles now. My brother knew a guy in the service who had one. Fake plastic balls.
COP #1
I knew THAT!
In the hallway, Joe notices his door ajar. He follows a trail of blood to the nightstand. Checking the drawer,
Joe finds the hand missing. He backtracks, frantically searching as he follows the blood trail into the hallway, and into
the neighbors apartment. Here, he finds the Police, who are standing over the neighbors body. She has been strangled
by the hand. DETECTIVE #2 steps forward and addresses Joe.
DETECTIVE #2
Is this your hand?
10. EXT. THE FRONT STEPS OF JOES BUILDING.
SOUND: Eerie, other-worldly incidental music.
